Sunday, April 8, 2012

Death of a Salesman – Me!

The famous play by Arthur Miller, Death of a Salesman, always confounded me. I don’t understand the entertainment value in watching a tormented man eventually commit suicide? Yet, to some extent, I have walked a few miles in the main character’s shoes. I understand him. For a while, I was Willy.

My youthful dreams included subatomic particle research in nuclear physics and an ambitious plan to solve Einstein’s enduring problems with his beloved Unified Field Theory. Despite such high aspirations, I ended up a lowly insurance salesman--a Willy. It doesn’t matter how it happened, it just did. Intellectual failure reminded me of that Broadway play. I feared becoming that main character. Fortunately, fate stepped in.



What changed me?

Fishing. Tournament bass fishing became an obsession. I loved competition and I enjoyed my fellow anglers. Bass fishing saved me when it provided that friendly port in the proverbial storm called the insurance business. And, it wasn't just fishing. An unexpected side gig grew in the form of writing fishing articles for Inside Line magazine. Life became enjoyable. I found peace of mind. Then, the happiness ended abruptly. Vertigo struck so strongly that I could not even walk. Hope for a meaningful life ended. I was becoming Willy, trapped in the never ending negativity of sales.

Looking back on that first vertigo attack, I now realize it was one of the best career changers that ever happened to me. Strange how life closes one path but reveals another in the process.

During those years of competitive fishing, I had filled hundreds of boring hours in motel rooms with writing. Initially, I wrote fishing articles, but I quickly expanded into novels that ended up stuffed in file drawers when I got home. Ironically, it took a violent seizure from vertigo to open my eyes. Life intended me to be a writer, not a physicist, or pro bass fisherman, and certainly not an insurance broker . . . a writer.

Manuscripts, manuscripts, manuscripts...where do I start today?

In 2008, my science fiction book, Space Chronicles: The Last Human War, became a reality. I now have multiple manuscripts in process and one currently being sold by my New York literary agent, Marisa Corvisiero. I finally know what it means to find one’s calling in life. It’s thrilling to wake up each morning and be excited about which novel I will tackle this day.

The monotonous hell of sales will soon die, yes, by my own hand. But, unlike Willy in Death of a Salesman, I choose story-telling as the method of extinction for the salesman in me. I sincerely hope anyone reading this blog will enjoy an epiphany such as I did. You’ll know instantly when it happens; when you find your calling. And, if it turns out to be writing, then I hope to be one of your best fans. Good writing, my friend.

10 comments:

  1. Love this. I shared it on Fb, Tweeted and +1'd it.

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    1. Thank you so much KT. I admire your creativity and boundless energy as a writer. Your support means the world to me...thank you. Dean

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  2. Dean what a great story of a life changing event. I loved your comparison to Willy in Death of a Salesman, and the stand you took when you took control of your life and said "NOT ME".

    Dean your writing is like a warm blanket for me- regardless of the topic you seem to wrap me up so that I am cozy and content...I just cannot get enough of your story telling.

    Your story, your blog absolutely hit a chord with me...not sure if I mentioned this before - but my life changer came about 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with melanoma (misdiagnosed so that it got a chance to grow a little) in any event - 2 surgeries later and fingers crossed each day - I began to write, and write, and write. Now I realize that my writing brought me to you and a great new group of friends...and a new career path...So I definitly relate to your story and thank you for sharing it ~ Stacey

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    1. Sometimes, even writers struggle to find the right words to convey the depth of their thoughts. Your personal story humbles me...there is no other way I can say it. My small trials are trivial by comparison. I know you have small children at home and facing melanoma must have been terribly frightening for that reason. Your grace and powerful inner strength leave me in awe. I wish you the very best in following whatever path you choose. If there is ever a way I can help, you can count on me. Thank you, Dean

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  3. And my respect and admiration for you Dean goes up yet another dozen notches.

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    1. Careful Allan, if you put too many notches in that belt, your pants may fall down! lol

      Seriously, thank you for your friendship and encouragement. I hope to buy your autographed book someday. Dean

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  4. My first calling is teaching. I really enjoy it and it seems like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. When I start getting up and dreading going to work--it'll be time to change, but I don't see that happening.

    Writing is another thing I enjoy. I don't ever see giving this one up either. I think I have interesting stories to tell and hope others enjoy them.

    I'm very glad you found what inspires you, Dean. You DO have interesting stories to tell.

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    1. Terry, I think it's just a matter of time until you find yourself struggling with the choice of teaching for wages, or writing and promoting your fabulous stories for fame and fortune. It will not be an easy decision, because the "brass ring" only passes by a few times in life. If/When you seize it, your family will enjoy rewards for the rest of their lives, and when the carosel slows, you can always return to teaching.

      Pardon my momentary fantasy--Imagine if students came into a classroom and were introduced to their new English teacher, Ms. JK Rowling! That's the kind of greeting I expect you'd enjoy upon returning to teaching.

      No matter what road(s) you choose, though, I am certain of one thing, you will excel and those around you, be they fans or students, will be better off for having known you. Dean

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  5. I could write a lengthy-yet-astonishing blog on my own life, about answering my own calling. I may do that, but there are elements of it it are ill-timed at the moment. Maybe it has more to do with ignoring one's calling and hearing the siren's song down other paths at least a few times in my life.

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    1. Dave - if your story can serve as inspiration or a role model, good or bad, you should write it on your blog for the benefit of others. We're all in this writing merry-go-round together...lol. Dean

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